you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
