I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The best revenge is premature balding
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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