OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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