the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
