I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
