If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
