Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
