Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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