By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
