There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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