mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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