Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
