Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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