maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
