I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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