At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
