The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
