im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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