Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
