I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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