Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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