i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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