drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
