the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
