and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
