maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
