Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
