I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
