Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
