I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
