Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My first STD was from a foam party
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
