Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
