she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
