Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Please, let me fuck your mom
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
