You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
