Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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