There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
