That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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