I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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