The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
