So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
