Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
