he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
