I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
