"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
