her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
