Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
