i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
