my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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