You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you.
Bad choice
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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