....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
