she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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