I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
