spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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