I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
