ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
