she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
