I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
